by: Kathleen D. Pagana, PhD, RN Speaking Info here
There is nothing small about the art of small talk. Whether it’s an interview, a board meeting, or a local conference, it’s important for nurses to be able to use small talk to make a good impression and enhance their careers. The ability to connect with others is essentials for success. If you know how to use small talk you will be able to start conversations and keep them going until you find a common area of interest or until business begins. For example, if you are interviewing for a position, small talk helps break the ice and make people feel comfortable until the interview begins.
Why is small talk a timely topic? Part of the reason is related to electronic communication. Although electronic communication has many positive components, it has negatively impacted some of our interpersonal skills. This has weakened our confidence and skill in face-to-face communication. As an example, think of going to a fitness center. Note the number of people with earphones listening to their music. They do not even say “hello” to others. Many parents are noting that their children are text messaging back and forth all day long. However, they are surprised to see their children shy in face-to-face communication. Face-to-face communication skills are essential for career success.
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Using small talk is part of being a good conversationalist. You can prepare for conversation by being well read. Read newspapers, magazines, and books. Read professional journals and newsletters. If you are interviewing for a job, check out the institution’s website for information that may be discussed during the interview. For example, if a hospital is emphasizing its Magnet Status, make sure you know what this is in case it comes up in conversation.
As Voltaire says, “One only speaks badly when one has nothing to say.” Make sure you have something to say. You can lose an interview if you don’t. For example, a young woman lost a job because she made no attempt at conversation during several interviews sessions. Her responses were all one-word replies. This may be acceptable in text messaging, but it is not in face-to-face conversation. She did not ask any questions and she made no attempt to participate in the conversation. Her awkwardness was readily observable. She was uncomfortable and made the interviewers uncomfortable. All of her evaluations were negative and she was not offered the job. Small talk would have helped her connect with her interviewers. It would have helped her demonstrate interest in others and fill in embarrassing voids in the conversation.
If you are wondering what topics to use in your conversation, be aware that there are safe and unsafe topics. Examples of safe topics include weather, sports, traffic, travel, movies, television shows, and current events. For example, “Are you enjoying this hot weather?” “Did you have traffic delays on your way in?” “Do you have a favorite sport/athlete in the Olympics?”
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If your mother told you to avoid discussing religion and politics, she was right. Stay away from these unsafe topics and change the subject if someone brings them up. For example, “I see strengths and weaknesses on both sides of that issue. Are you a fan of college football?” Avoid discussing medical problems, gossip, personal misfortunes, and controversial issues. If people ask you about your children, answer briefly. Be careful of monopolizing the conversation talking about all the cute things your kids are doing. People without children may be bored. Be sensitive to the fact that some people are unable to have children.
When someone tells you that you are a great conversationalist, it is often a complement to your listening skills. A good listener can make a person feel like the most important person in the world. I recently observed a teenage boy who was communicating with an elderly male golfer while working at a golf practice range. For over 5 minutes, the young man made good eye contact, smiled, and nodded his head. He never said a word while the elderly man talked. From my observation, that young man has skills that will benefit him in social and career situations. Listening skills are essential for small talk and effective communication.
Now that you know the importance of small talk and what topics are safe and unsafe for conversation, you may be wondering if there any tips for starting up or facilitating a conversation with small talk. Try using the acronym OAR to aid your conversation. It will work in all kinds of settings.
· Observe. Make an observation. (For example, “It looks like this unit has been recently renovated.” “I like the large red ‘RN’ on your name badges. It makes the nurses readily identifiable.”)
· Ask questions. (For example, “Do many of your nurses take courses at the university?” “How many of your nurses are certified in orthopedics?”)
· Reveal something about yourself. (For example, “After working in a large city hospital, I am looking forward to being part of a community medical center.” “I have always wanted to move to this part of the country.”)
You can start using this OAR technique today. Use it with family and friends. Use it with your patients in the hospital. Use it while standing in the cafeteria line. Use it in the grocery store and with your mail carrier. Use it when you are networking at your next conference. Use it while waiting for a meeting to begin. Use it after you introduce yourself to someone. Don’t wait for others to initiate a conversation. Be proactive and take the initiative.
Not knowing the importance and benefits of small talk can put you at a major disadvantage in many situations, especially when you are meeting and greeting new people. When you see how small talk breaks the ice and makes people feel comfortable, you will agree that there is nothing small about small talk. It is a gateway to developing new relationships and is also important for maintaining established relationships. Mastering the art of small talk will make you more confident and professional at work and in social situations.
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Kathleen D. Pagana, PhD, RN is a keynote speaker and author of 21 books. These etiquette tips are adapted from her newest book, The Nurse’s Etiquette Advantage: How Professional Etiquette Can Advance Your Nursing Career. This book was recently published (2008) by Sigma Theta Tau International Honor Society of Nursing.
More Small Talk Resources:
Utilizing Small Talk to Build a Foundation for Networking Success … – Cocktail party small talk (image: Voxphoto) by: Grayson Leverenz Last week’s post, 5 Action Steps to Turn Your Internship Into an Offer, highlighted.
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